Medical professionals, this one’s for you.
Some times I think I should write a coffee table book about the things I say in my head everyday when dealing with patients because I say a LOT!
Here is just a quick little glance into the day and life of us poor souls working in the medical field.
First up, let’s discuss these Millennial’s, shall we? I cry a little inside each time I see one on the schedule. These Millennial Men…errr, boys (until they can come off the teet, they are not yet men) are mind boggling. They know nothing, they do nothing. It’s fair to say that a solid 90% of them between the ages of 18-30, pushing 31 even, are somewhat clueless.
Not only do they need their mom’s at the appointment with them, their mother’s also call to schedule all of their appointments. And in full honesty, there are few things worse than a Mama taking charge of her little prince. But at this age the doctor is going to discuss things such as drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, mental health…things I wouldn’t think a mom would want to sit in on.
Now, I’d say about 40%-ish of them that do actually come alone, make us medical people wish they had brought their mom’s so we had something…anything to go on. Because after the 80th “I’m not sure” you just want to strangle them with your stethoscope.
Do you have allergies?…I don’t think so, some times I sneeze. Do you take any medications?…Adderall (it. is. always. always. Adderall). Any medical problems?…I don’t think so, I feel fine. And the best one-Do you have any family history? You can legit see the steam coming from their brains. They have no clue. Ever.
Now these teeny tiny Millennial princesses aren’t so innocent either. While they do tend to know their medical history and often times, family history, they are rude and pretentious. They’ve never been told no. They’ve clearly never, ever done anything wrong in their lives and they have 6,000 trophies at home.
A female Millennial patient are the ones that complain that they’ve been “waiting for like, a whole 5 minutes” and they “totally have other things to do.” They will not be weighed and “how dare you ask such a question?” Professionally, I only wanted to weigh you out of concern you may blow away with a strong wind. But what do I know?!
Both sexes are notoriously guilty of waiting until the last minute to ask for their medications to be refilled. “I’m out of my meds, I need them now.” The only difference is, the boys aren’t too concerned with it being filled ASAP. These girls though, damn. They demand. Demand again. And demand some more. “I asked for you to send my prescription to the pharmacy 10 minutes ago and it’s still not there. I want it NOW.” Riiiiight, let me get right on that. You want to know what happens when you act like that? Your request goes to the bottom of our lists. Ya’ll should see what happens when said prescription happens to be their Adderall…it’s not pretty. And eventually, if not done right away, their parents do call for them because little Rebekah with a K can’t time her shit right.
And I’m sorry, but I cannot write you a note to miss work because you broke your arm 10 years ago and it’s been hurting lately. I can however refer you to a wonderful Physical Therapist. And no, I also cannot give you pain meds because you stubbed your toe and it “really, really, hurts.”
But not all the pain in the ass patients are only Millennial’s. You grown ass men are a bit challenging for us as well.
What brings you in today?…I haven’t been to a doctor in like a decade and my wife made me come. Do you take any medications?…Yes, one for blood pressure. Do you know which one?…No, but if I hear it, I’ll know. Do you know what milligram you take?…No, my wife handles all that. Let me call her. (my husband was also like this until I made him learn. And it’s still a work in progress). What happens if something happens to your wife?! You don’t know anything about your own health!!
There’s also the know-it-all patients. Gotta love those. I may or may not (I did) have a Chiropractor as a patient recently that told me every chance she got that she is a DOCTOR and proceeded to tell me how to properly take blood pressure (which I can assure you, was not at all how to take blood pressure). I’ve been going to a Chiropractor for years and never have they taken my blood pressure. #SitYourAssDownDoc
You old folks aren’t safe from this blog either. Ya’ll can either be as sweet as a cold glass of southern sweet tea on a hot day or nasty like week old milk, but we tend to give you a break because well…you’re 100.
Seriously, we get it, no one wants to go to the doctors. But damn, have some compassion for us. It is not our fault your blood pressure is high. It is not our fault they make needles so sharp. I’ve been spit on, smacked, sworn at, called every name in the book (White Devil being my personal favorite), your bodily fluids have touched me and I’ve seen things on you that can’t be unseen.
We’re tired, our feet hurt, chances are we are starving and have to pee like crazy. We’re over worked,under paid and just trying to help you. So unless you are going to share some of those meds with us, sit down and play nice.
