Let’s see a show of hands–Do you occasionally feel like you have zero patience left? Maybe drop a swear word or 2 within ear shot of your kids? How about allowing a “ice cream for dinner” night simply because you don’t feel like cooking? If you raised your hands to any of these (bonus points for all) then you my friend are a perfectly imperfect parent & you are winning at this mom thing. If you are sitting there shaking your head & appalled that any parent would do any of the above, you’re in denial…or Mary fucking Poppins, in which case, I want whatever stash you have hidden inside that big magic bag.
There’s nothing like a nice, long summer vacation to make you realize just how imperfect of a parent you really are (unless of course your kids are off at sleep away camp. Do those still exist? If so, send me that shit).
There is so much pressure on mothers (sorry dad’s, y’all always get off easy) to be perfect & happy 24/7. To be able to cook, clean, grocery shop, run all the errands, do all the laundry, take care of the pets & of course everything with the kids. Whether you work full time or are a stay at home mom, we’re expected to do it all with a smile on our face.
For me, I love being a mom. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And I love my kids, but Jesus H. Christ, they drive me friggin’ batty some times. I’m not going to lie, I get too excited for their bedtime some days. And I’ve forced them to sleep over my parents house just to get a break…but then I instantly feel guilty & want them home (still working on this issue). But I still love it all…just don’t expect to see me running around with a cute little apron on, vacuuming the house while the homemade muffins are baking in the oven (I have a Roomba for that shit).
It’s not 1950 anymore. The typical “housewife” image has changed…plus I’m pretty sure June Cleaver was drunk 90% of the time. People are more real & open these days. Women especially have more of a voice. It’s ok to just say ‘screw it. I don’t feel like cooking, I’m ordering a pizza.’
One day my husband made the (huge) mistake of making a comment about how it was possible that the laundry wasn’t done since I’m a housewife & that’s my job…mmmhhhmmm, I can assure you he’ll never make that mistake again (and no charges were filed. Just kidding).
So why are you perfect because you’re imperfect? Well, for one thing, you aren’t walking around lying to everyone all day. It’s not in our nature to be perfect all the time…or ever. It’s not normal for a person to never have a bad day or a full tank of patience all the time. Mom’s are human…with a LOT of shit we have to do from sun up to sun down every single day. So yea, if I want to take a day off & binge watch Orange Is The New Black, then you bet your ass I’m going to & I won’t (or at least I’ll try not to) feel bad about it. That huge pile of laundry can wait until tomorrow. Or maybe even the day after that…depends on how I feel.
Plus my kids kind of get to see the real side of the world. They see life’s not a fairy tale. They don’t have a fairy godmother in a pretty shimmery dress that will grant all their wishes. They get to see what it’s like to be an adult. A mom. Ruler of the household. They get to see the real us. Capable of a lot but also not indestructible. I don’t strive for perfection from my kids, so why should I strive to make myself perfect? Plus, perfect is boring.
We have days where we don’t get to shower (dry shampoo is a mom’s best friend). Days where we don’t do our make up or change our clothes. We don’t get to pee alone. We barely sleep. We DESERVE to get annoyed. We deserve to not care if our kid has a popsicle at 9am if it means they’ll stop nagging you. We deserve to not be perfect & not get shit for it.
Our houses aren’t always going to be spotless (this is the hardest thing for me to accept). The dishes aren’t always going to be done. Nor will the laundry. But if the kids are fed, bathed (I won’t judge if you consider them clean if they ran through the sprinklers-it’s summer), happy & haven’t broken an arm falling off the roof, then you have done your job.
And I can promise you that their little ears will not fall off if you drop a swear or 2 in front of them. People swear more freely these days. Words that were considered a swear when I was a kid are used on regular TV now. One of the kids on The Loud House told his sibling he sucked the other day. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around dropping f-bombs in front of them, but they’ve definitely heard shit, hell & damn it a time or 2 from me (and no, I don’t allow them to say any of those).
So ease up on yourself. All the time you waste trying to be perfect is time you could be doing something fun. 2 days ago I was about to start laundry but decided to have a water gun fight with the kids instead (it added more laundry that needed to be done, but whatever). We had fun…I got hit with freezing cold water, laughed & called my kid a little shit then proceeded to nail them both with the hose. We made a mess of ourselves & the house after, but I bet they’ll remember that over whether or not Mommy did the dishes that day.
