Dear Snooty, snotty, diva-like, Teenage Jessica,
There is so much I want to tell you. For one, no matter what you say now, you do become “one of those” housewives living the normal life in the suburbs. You have however stuck to your guns & do not drive a mini van…an SUV the size of a mini van, yes, but it’s still no mini van.
You should also know that you did not end up marrying Zack Morris (also, you need to realize that’s not even a real person). He ends up being average looking anyway. Believe it or not, A.C. Slater becomes the best looking. I swear! Who woulda thought, right?! Oh, and you also did not marry Luke Perry. He’s still handsome as hell though.
Now onto the real stuff. This phase of being a teenager is just that…a phase. It doesn’t last forever. It does not define your entire life. I know right now it feels like this is it, this is who you are. You already know everything & your parents know nothing. But I hate it break it to ya, these years will pass, you will get older & realize you actually know jack shit. Ten years from now you still won’t know shit. Right now, you’re just a snotty brat without a care in the world because your parents, yes the very same ones that drive you crazy, hand everything to you on a silver platter. And guess what? That won’t last. Life isn’t like the movie Clueless…you may be a mama’s girl now, but you will have to grow up & pay your own bills one day. A mortgage even. Yep, and all those household bills that come along with it. YOU. All you. So pay more attention in math class.
Even your friends will change. Some of them anyway. The ones you spend 24/7 with now, you don’t even know anymore. But here’s the thing, the ones that you do stay friends with are more like family now. And you won’t be hanging out with them 24/7. Don’t be shocked but you’ll be lucky if you get out once a month. As you get older everyone’s lives get crazy with work & kids…and life in general, but that’s the norm now. Oh, and you will have a crew of mom friends who are AH-MAZING.
You & your high school love will break up & you’ll be fine. In fact, in no time at all you will laugh at yourself for being so wrapped up with him in the first place. Trust me, it’s for the best. I’ll warn you, he does go on to date a really close friend of yours, but that ends too. As does your friendship. And spoiler alert, they both still live at home with their parents (yes, even her too) & rumor has it, there are a few baby mama’s out there begging him to grow up. You won that battle.
Life isn’t always going to be one big party. It will benefit you to pay more attention in school. It’s all about balance. Be serious just some of the time, but also have fun while you can. A decade or so from now your life will revolve around school pick up & drop off & driving kids from gymnastics to cheer, to dance, to tumbling, to girl scouts…(surprise, you have girls!). Note to math teacher, we were right. You do not use half that crap in real life.
Speaking of kids, you are no longer a size 0, you will probably never be a size 0 again & that’s fine. You cannot eat whatever you want either. After you hit 30, it all goes right to your ass & stays there (you didn’t end up with any stretch marks though, score!). And you’re going to have this thing called Instagram where all these skinny chicks with Photoshop take perfectly positioned pictures with particular lighting & filters…don’t let it eat you away. Nothing is ever what it seems on the other side of the camera. The world is very vein now, don’t let it destroy you.
You will still have insecurities & fears. Take one day at a time. It’s all you can do. You’re going to learn something new every step of the way. Embrace it all.
And remember, you don’t know everything. Your (almost) 35 year old self still doesn’t know everything. Behind all the questionable fashion choices you’ve made (white eyeliner), the dumb boys you dated & the catty drama of high school girls, you survived. Now you have a family that loves you & depends on you. You have friends without all the drama. Growing up isn’t all that bad.
And in case you don’t hear it enough, you’re doing great.
Love,
Your older, wiser, badass mom self
xoxo
P.S. You were just elected PTO President of your kids elementary school.
